“No pressure, but almost 25,000 people will read this.”
This is one of the many wonderful thoughts floating to the surface of what passes for my brain when I won the Listserve lottery. It was also probably the cleanest and nicest.
The Listserve is essentially a massive email list. When you add your email to the list, it accomplishes two things: 1. you’re entered into the Listserve lottery and 2. you’ll receive one email a day from a lottery winner. Lottery winners compose a 600 word email about any subject of choice, sent to all the email addresses currently on the Listserve.
I knew what I was going to write about, of course: our struggles with pregnancy and fertility. What I worried about is what I always worry about when I write about this stuff. Is this going to be offensive? Go too far? TMI? I only knew I didn’t want to miss this chance.
So here’s the ramblings I sent out onto the Listserve:
How Not To Make A Baby
It turns out getting pregnant isn’t as easy as it looks.
My wife and I have been trying to conceive for over five years, suffering one miscarriage and month after month of letdowns and discouragements. Turns out we both bring our own specific biological issues that, when combined, compound the problem.
While I’m well aware that we are not the first couple to grapple with infertility and conception issues, this is one of those things where knowing you’re not alone isn’t always the most comforting thought. Add to that the staggering amount of tips, suggestions, medical information, etc., it can get downright frustrating.
When things don’t work as they should, be it electronics, automobiles, or my reproductive system, it drives me crazy! There’s no real peace in the knowledge that there’s nothing I can really do to cause my body to produce the correct amount of sperm.
There are options, of course, with adoption or in vitro fertilization leading the pack. We’re not opposed to either, although they’re not exactly in our budgetary cards just yet. If anyone can point Oprah our way, there’s a high five with your name on it. Honestly, the romantic idea of conceiving a child the “old fashioned way,” is just what our hearts are set on.
Through it all, hope has been both our strongest ally and greatest source of pain. Each month, we carry the hope that this time, this month will be the one. And each month, we feel like idealistic, optimistic fools, only to start the whole process over again. Regardless, I worry about us losing that hope.
I’ve been working on and off on a blog about our experiences where, if nothing else, I’ve found supportive and comforting folks who read and share. We can share links, of course, so I’m not sure if this makes it through, but you can find it by heading to howtomakebabiesdotwordpressdotcom.
My wife and I are praying people, constantly covering this and seeking an answer. There’s a certain level of acceptance by now, but there’s always hope.
I think that’s what I’d like to leave off with…there’s always hope. So many things can be denied or taken away in this world, but hope, though it may sting us at times, is what keeps us going.
Feel free to drop me a line or look me up. I’m on Twitter: @jovid52, where I share nonsense, music I’m enjoying, television reviews, and stuff, but I’d be happy to interact with ya!
Embarrassing? Maybe. Is it all those things I worried about and a bit grammatically challenged? Probably. But I sent it out anyway with no idea when it would reach subscribers.
So, there ya go. I knew it had about five days later when my inbox and Twitter exploded with some of the most incredible responses. I’ll share some of them later this week.