After we left Dr. K’s office, we planned to grab some lunch, run a few errands, and do a little book shopping at one of our favorite locations of the now defunct Borders. The afternoon became more and more surreal as we went along.
While eating lunch at Chipotle, we see new parents with their beautiful baby snugly in a carrier.
There’s a poster at the door of Borders: COMING SOON ON DVD AND BLURAY: BABIES!
More babies in strollers! Babies in carriers! Crying babies! Babies in slings! Toddlers carrying baby dolls!!
I felt like Pee-Wee after his bike was stolen:
Now, I’m not hurt by other people’s joy and blessings. I’m not jealous of others’ families. I’m not jealous that other people’s bodies seem to work with the minimal amount of issues, at least not that often anymore. But after trying so hard, after so many tests with no conclusions, with more tests coming, we are acutely aware of the vacancy of this baby we desire. Sometimes yearning for something carries a deep ache. Sometimes you just have to be human and pitch a fit. Everywhere we look we see lucky, blessed people enjoying something that we feel so far away from. Something we got to taste for a moment, but now struggle to experience again. Her body has an issue allowing a fertilized egg to attach to her and now it seems that I may be compounding the problem?!? Our biology is our enemy!
And yet, we won’t give up.
We won’t throw a pity party for ourselves. At least not an extended one. We have to keep going. We have to keep praying. We believe that all of this is heading in the direction of a new addition. We believe that God has placed this desire on our hearts and He has not taken it away.
We have to keep going.
And Steve and company have to listen to Dory…
Just keep swimming.